When I was 16 I was an exchange student through the Rotary Youth Exchange program. I was from Wisconsin and sent to Bangkok and living with a Thai Family. One day (at a big family event and gathering) we were all sitting at a dinner table at a nice restaurant. I had no idea people were listening to me as I was just chatting with my host sister. She asked me what I was eating earlier that day as I tried a new Thai dessert. The name of that dessert is “Kanom Chan” and I told her “Chan Gin Kanom Chan.” She looked at me like I was crazy and started laughing – then everyone started laughing. Turns out I said “I drank Breast Milk.” I was so embarrassed and afraid to try to speak Thai after that! In the Thai language there are 5 tones and you can say one sound or word and if it is in the wrong tone you can say something entirely different from what you intended to say.

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My 2 1/2 year old son and I were traveling in Thailand together and we were exhausted from the flight. After arriving at the airport, we exited the plane and then we felt relieved that we arrived. Little did we know at the time that as soon as we walked off of the plane (which was outside) and into the building, there would be a massive, never-ending winding line for customs. It was hot inside and stuffy – my son began to get very fussy. He started having a fit and started to cry and I told him to relax and that once we got through the line – we’d go right to the hotel and settle in.

He looked up at me with his big eyes and it seemed that what I told him registered quite well. His demeanor changed, he stood up straight with his little kids suitcase in hand – and he walked right off in the opposite direction of me, cutting underneath all the fabric rails and straight up to the immigration counter. Everyone saw what happened as they noticed him crying seconds earlier – and they all laughed loudly as he so matter-of-factually waltzed up to the counter. I then cut through the same way to retrieve him – and as I did he became hysterical again and I couldn’t even grab a hold of him. The security guy looked at me – and pointed to the counter and let me go right then! My son was a genius. He found the quickest solution and used his own way to make it happen. I thought it was awesome in the end!

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We were pretty broke growing up. Broke and bored. We lived in a crappy apartment and had nothing to do. One day I told my 11 year old sister I would pay her $1 to jump off our second story balcony. It was pretty high- I wouldn’t have done it. After a bit of trepidation she made the jump. She didn’t get hurt.

She ran up the stairs, she was pretty proud of herself- she said “give me my dollar ! give me my dollar”

I said “nope- and if you don’t stop asking me I am going to tell mom what you did”. Not a very nice brother…

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We just arrived in Vegas…After leaving our room we got in the 300 and headed to the  fricken lodge. (Bellagio) A tradition of ours. We go to the fricken lodge to bet on the fricken horses. They have the best sports book in the world at the lodge. We valet the car and walk in the front door. Leather swivel chairs and private flat screen TVs. And you can bet 2 bucks a race if you want. Or you can bet on one race and drink free fricken drinks all night long! And that is what we did. Kurt was drinking Heineken and I was drinking captain and coke.

After the lodge while waiting for the valet to return our 300 Kurt decided to run after a pigeon and kick it. He really nailed that sucker. I asked him what was wrong with him. He said “Pigeons are just rats with wings, I hate F***ING pigeons”. “Wow I didn’t know you had such anger towards them”…he asked me if I hated them too. I told him I don’t have an opinion either way. “Go kick it again so I can take a picture.” He ran after it and missed it I took a great picture on my phone too.

After the pigeon-kicking incident we headed downtown to drink some more and play some fricken “Worlds Most Liberal 21” at the Vegas club. Another tradition. You can double down with 3 cards if you want. Only in Vegas.  While leaving the parking garage Kurt decided to test the emergency break. The only problem was he wasn’t driving, I was. He scared the crap out of me. He yelled “EMERGENCY” and pulled the E-break. The car came screeching to a halt nearly crashing into the wall of the parking garage. Most people would have seen how dangerous and stupid this was, but not us. It was unfortunate that this discovery had to happen on the first day. I can’t count how many “EMERGENCIES” we had that week. We nearly rolled over on the freeway.

The ghost bar was pretty cool. We drank ourselves to a stupor. We ended up leaving the car at the Palms and taking a taxi back to the Vegas Club for breakfast. $2.99 steak, eggs and hash browns. Kurt was so obnoxious while we waited for our food. “Where the hell are my eggs? Why are we eating at this ****hole? He then asked the waiter if he spit in our food. “I told him no but he will now you *****” Kurt put his head down and passed out. I said why don’t you sleep on the floor. He collapsed down on the floor of the diner. The waiter said, “Sir get up, you have to get off the floor”. Kurt just lay there I thought he was dead. I couldn’t stop laughing. We got booted out of there with empty stomachs! We headed back to the room. We ordered room service. Burgers and fries. While I was placing the phone order Kurt kept yelling “ HOMO ordering room service” The lady on the phone was cracking up. I awoke a half hour later and let the room service bring in the cart. Kurt was laid out on the floor. I had to literally kick him to get him out of the way to let the cart get through the door.

He was so drunk. He got up looked at me straight in the eyes and said “Where are you?” “Where are you?” I started laughing. “I’m Here ***hole, now eat your fricken burger. He picked it up and threw it at me.

“You dumbs**** “ I said, “You just throw a $25 burger at me.” I yelled “ Have some Fricken tomatoes and I proceeded to throw a tomato at him. He picked up his plate and pathetically threw the entire thing at me. It missed me by like five feet and splattered all over the curtains. “You pigeon kicking bitch, I spent the next hour throwing up. We woke up the next day at noon with food and vomit all over our the room. “Room Service Please!”

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