Ok… I will tell you about the time I was an Ahole.  I’m  not very proud of this one so I will try to  keep this one short.  It’s all about sibling rivalry.  I will sum this up in one sentence–>
I peed in the litter box when it was my brothers turn to scoop it out !!!

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I’m planning to move across the states with my 4 year old son. While I began moving our stuff to our garage, to be picked up by a moving pod – I had a near-disaster in the kitchen. So, being stubborn, I thought it would be no problem for me to move my large 8 ft. long oversized leather couch out through the kitchen and into the garage. I had just moved the smaller couch that was the same width as the large one – so I figured, why not do this too. So, my 4 year old son watched as I pushed this large couch out into the kitchen. It wasn’t long before the thing got stuck. I unjammed it from the walkway and had the strength to turn it vertically. I then maneuvered it through the tight area and let it back down. When I did that, I immediately realized I had gotten the couch totally jammed tightly in between where the fridge and oven and hall door were. As I was about to try to unjam this couch – I heard “click click click – whoosh” and heard my son scream as the couch nearly caught on fire. The big flame was lit by the couch somehow, and was inches from starting it on fire and probably burning down my whole place. I had to find a way to reach my hand in an area that had virtually no space, and turn it off. Thankfully I did that – and miraculously with endless pushing and pulling I was able to get the couch out of the door. It was a nightmare – but it ended well because there was no fire.

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The most amazing surprise was the kitten my parents got me for my 8th birthday, after I wished upon a star for it.
I woke up one morning and there was an orange tabby kitten, with a yellow star marked in her ear, just like I had wished upon a star for sleeping on my bed. I remember just bursting into tears lol.

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When I was 16 I was an exchange student through the Rotary Youth Exchange program. I was from Wisconsin and sent to Bangkok and living with a Thai Family. One day (at a big family event and gathering) we were all sitting at a dinner table at a nice restaurant. I had no idea people were listening to me as I was just chatting with my host sister. She asked me what I was eating earlier that day as I tried a new Thai dessert. The name of that dessert is “Kanom Chan” and I told her “Chan Gin Kanom Chan.” She looked at me like I was crazy and started laughing – then everyone started laughing. Turns out I said “I drank Breast Milk.” I was so embarrassed and afraid to try to speak Thai after that! In the Thai language there are 5 tones and you can say one sound or word and if it is in the wrong tone you can say something entirely different from what you intended to say.

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For my 18th birthday I decided I wanted to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. If you have never gone skydiving you will never understand the rush of it all. I was to do a static line jump. This means I jump out of the airplane alone with a rope tied to the parachute that pulls it open.

I was the first of 4 to jump that day. The instructor opened the small door of the plane and the wind was insane.

Step 1: Climb out the door and grab on to the wing strut with 100 mph + winds making the skin on my face flap

Step 2: hang from the strut and look over at the instructor for the thumbs up as I am dangling from the wing.

Step 3: Release !

I remember my neck snapping back as the static line ripped the chute out of my pack.. then I blacked out for a few seconds… then I remember grabbing at my emergency release… I think I was in shock.. then I looked up and my chute lines were twisted- (like a kid that swung in circles on a swing) I pulled the lines apart and everything seemed ok.  After all that it was an amazing view and a great descent down, floating through the air, it was so quite and peaceful.  As I neared the ground I realized just how fast I was descending. I had a rough landing – flaring up a second too late. It was one hell of a ride.

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When I was 19 or 20 years old and in the Army I injured my foot. I needed to have a foot surgery performed. I had never been under any type of anesthesia before and I was so afraid and worried that I would wake up. I spoke with the doctor about my concerns and he reassured me and made it clear that there was NO WAY I’d wake up. He said I would most definitely be “Out” the entire time. So after a student attempted to put a huge needle in my hand (about 10 times) and my friend nearly passed out watching, they wheeled me into the operating room. I fell asleep like he promised. Then I WOKE UP – WIDE AWAKE – in a drugged up type of state. I was chit-chatting away and tried to sit-up too. A man standing above me held me down so I would not do that. I asked him what the doctor was doing (and I also remember hearing music playing in the background and feeling really strange things being done to my foot). The other nurse told me the doctor was painting my toe nails. I kept chatting away as the doctor actually cut my big toe in half, then realigned it, fixed some things up and put a titanium screw in to hold it together. The sounds were quite memorable. I spoke with the doctor later and he said that has NEVER happened, and that I kept talking and talking and talking and wouldn’t stop. He said that I with my weight and size, the amount of meds they gave me to “Put me out” should have worked but that I metabolized it so quickly it wore off.

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My 2 1/2 year old son and I were traveling in Thailand together and we were exhausted from the flight. After arriving at the airport, we exited the plane and then we felt relieved that we arrived. Little did we know at the time that as soon as we walked off of the plane (which was outside) and into the building, there would be a massive, never-ending winding line for customs. It was hot inside and stuffy – my son began to get very fussy. He started having a fit and started to cry and I told him to relax and that once we got through the line – we’d go right to the hotel and settle in.

He looked up at me with his big eyes and it seemed that what I told him registered quite well. His demeanor changed, he stood up straight with his little kids suitcase in hand – and he walked right off in the opposite direction of me, cutting underneath all the fabric rails and straight up to the immigration counter. Everyone saw what happened as they noticed him crying seconds earlier – and they all laughed loudly as he so matter-of-factually waltzed up to the counter. I then cut through the same way to retrieve him – and as I did he became hysterical again and I couldn’t even grab a hold of him. The security guy looked at me – and pointed to the counter and let me go right then! My son was a genius. He found the quickest solution and used his own way to make it happen. I thought it was awesome in the end!

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We were pretty broke growing up. Broke and bored. We lived in a crappy apartment and had nothing to do. One day I told my 11 year old sister I would pay her $1 to jump off our second story balcony. It was pretty high- I wouldn’t have done it. After a bit of trepidation she made the jump. She didn’t get hurt.

She ran up the stairs, she was pretty proud of herself- she said “give me my dollar ! give me my dollar”

I said “nope- and if you don’t stop asking me I am going to tell mom what you did”. Not a very nice brother…

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Most people get an ID check for looking too young, but this story is a little different…

Last week my friend went shopping to get his little brother a birthday present. My friend is 6 ft tall and in his twenties, and has a small beard – not the usual type to be asked for ID even in a bar or club – ever. Anyway, he went into a computer games store and picked out a game. Went to the checkout assistant to pay and was asked for ID. The game was Pokemon – based on the kids cartoon TV series. And the age on the box was 3+…

Apparently it is a new rule for this UK chain of stores to request ID from ANYONE buying a game, so long as it has a certification on the front. (Regardless of what age it says).

Funniest part is – he wasn’t allowed to buy the game as he had no ID on him at the time – much to the amusement of the kids behind him in the line…

So he was ID checked for a children’s game which was unsuitable for under 3’s, and refused. (He didn’t find it quite so funny!)
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After Jacob Wetterling went missing I had this reoccurring nightmare. My garage is accross the street from my home and in my nightmare I would get home and go to cross the street when I would hear this voice calling for help. I would look down the dark street toward the street lamp, and there was Jacob Wetterling. I started to walk toward him to help him and tried to talk to him but this man would jump out and take him. I would try to scream as the man came toward me but couldn’t.

This nightmare happened at least once a week and whenever I would come home late at night I would look down the road at the street lamp and then take off running toward the house. It still freaks me out that this dream was so real to me. When ever I think of that poor family I pray to God my kids are safe.

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